Effective Listening

My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry. James 1:19

I believe that listening is a ministry in itself. Could we go ahead and coin that title? Listening Pastor... I'll admit, I have my days when I would not be able to meet the requirements of that position. Listening is powerful. I had a conversation with a friend last week and I was amazed at how well he listened to me. We were in the car and making small talk and I noticed how bad I was listening and how well he was listening to me.

There are so many distractions these days. We are distracted by devices, vices, and views. I have noticed myself and those I have been around thumbing on their phone or tablet while selectively listening to the other person talk. I have been a part of a conversation where a person pauses to light a cigarette or order a drink and turn back to ask me to repeat what I said. I have been a part of a conversation where someone had strong views and were not really listening to what I said and only responded with more gibberish about their stance.

Listening is so important. I honestly don't like when I find myself distracted by my phone or by a t.v when in conversation. My wife would tell you this happens often.

Listening is a vital part of ministry. Sometimes we have to reflect on what is being said in order to truly understand the cries for help. A quick discussion about something with a student could easily clue you in to a situation or a bigger picture in their life.

Last year there was an altercation that was about to come to blows between two students. I was new to the church and wasn't sure how to approach the situation other than separate the students. One of the students was a 300 lb. lineman on the High School football team. I wasn't prepared for what would unfold and the things he would talk to me about. He started telling me about a lot of pain and disappointment in his life. I had nothing to say but, i was able to listen. I was able to wrap my arms around him and show him I cared by taking the time to listen.

Listening can make the difference. We have all been on the receiving end of an outpouring of topics we may not care about. I can't tell you how many times I've been caught and cornered and had to hear about a student's love for minecraft, Justin Bieber, or you name it... and there have been times when I've cut things short and found an excuse to get away. Listening makes the difference though. When a student experiences us listening to their favorite topic, they will trust us enough to open up about the tough stuff.

SHOW YOU"RE LISTENING Repeat stuff back to them. No matter what they are talking about, it is good to clarify things. "I went to the football game this weekend and stayed with a friend and then we went shopping on Saturday." "Oh, you went to the game and to the mall, that sounds like a good weekend." I have found that just that simple, uncomfortable at times step makes a huge difference in relationship building with students.

ASK QUESTIONS It seem obvious but, asking questions is a great way to invest in a student. When they tell you about their day, ask details. You don't have to interrogate but, let them lead and then follow with a question.

CHECK IN How many times has someone told you about a sick friend or family member, a test that was coming up, or a big event? I am bad about remembering to check in on those things. I have found that when I do, the student lights up and is eager to keep me up to date.

WRITE IT DOWN After a conversation ends, write some highlights down so that you can reference them when you are going to see that student again. With today's technology, you can make a note and set up a reminder on your phone.

Effective listening can be the catalyst for making an impact in the lives of your students. I am striving to be a better listener in my life and in my ministry. Hopefully these steps can be an encouragement to you.