Assessment

Had it really been 7 years? I couldn’t believe it when my doctor let me know how long it had been since my last check up. I was prompted to go that day after spending so much time around beeping machines and monitors in the NICU when the twins were born. I couldn’t believe that it had been so long and that I was being told that I had type II diabetes. I probably would have caught it sooner but at this point, it was a complete nose dive into the world of test strips and medicine. I had no one to blame but myself. The Doctor wasn’t at fault for me not showing up for 7 years. I didn’t call. I didn’t write. Clearly,I was responsible for my diet and my lack of exercise. Any hope of prevention relied  fully in me taking action, and I was totally neglecting myself. 

We unintentionally let things happen. I unintentionally let 7 whole years pass where I neglected my health and I now have a new normal. I am about 5 years into that new normal now. I paid the price. It took a toll on me physically and mentally. Those were some dark days at the Fish house. 

We do this with our spiritual growth too. We let it go unmonitored, we forget to engage in growth practices. We find things changing around us, it’s hard to keep up. Before we know it, so much time has passed and we don’t even know where we left off. Ultimately, it relies on our action. We should dive into community, we should seek to serve. We should be in the word and sharing what we’re learning. Unfortunately, it’s too easy to pass blame on lost connection, needing a change, or that we’re just not being fed.

All health requires effort on the part of the individual. Just like it’s not the Doctor’s fault when we make bad choices, it’s not the church’s fault when we disengage. The author of Hebrews urges the church to not give up meeting together as some are in the habit of doing. In Acts, we see the early church growing as all shared everything. You would be hard pressed to find any example of consumer mentality in the first century church. 

Just like it’s easy to get into the habit of eating sugar and carbs unchecked and unmonitored, it’s easy to slip into cruise control in our Spiritual life. Before we know it, we feel disconnected and unfamiliar with the body we once thought we knew so well. 

Preferences

Personal preferences should never hold us back. I prefer lots of things like not getting dirty after I've showered, sleeping in. But, if I let personal preference rule out, I would miss opportunities for growth. I have recently heard things said like "that's not my thing." "I'm not really into that."

It's sad really...

My Dad once gave me advice on being a friend. He suggested that I not just expect someone to do the things that I enjoy but that I engage in other's favorite activities. So, I played tennis....once..with a friend who was really, really good at it. I didn't take up the sport but, I remember that day. It was a shared experience.

We shouldn't get so caught up in activities and past times that we miss people and experiences. When we step out of our preferences, we learn so much and gain great stories.

I'm not much of an outdoors guy but, I once took up an invite to go kayaking with some friends. It was my first time and it was a good time! I shared the experience with Tim, Zach, and Nathan. I got really sun burned and I was an hour late to work. There were spots where my paddle dragged the bottom of the river and there were deep drop offs. I turned the kayak over a couple of times. It's not my thing but, I had a great time with great people!

Sometimes, we mask our inhibitions with preferences.

I have missed out on many great opportunities by being concerned that I would not have a good time or that I might be terrible at the activity.

Any story that I have that is worth retelling involves letting my inhibitions go and putting my preferences aside to embrace experiences. To embrace people.

When we choose to be involved only in the things that we prefer, we miss out on the things that stretch us, build us, build community, and strengthen relationships.

I don't think that we honestly answer the question who is my neighbor? these days. Even across cultural lines, we tend to find common ground in the people that we choose to invest time in. In all honesty, i'm not sure where i'm headed with this post. I've been walking around pregnant with thoughts and so, this could go a lot of ways but it probably won't reach too far of an audience. My family and I moved to a different state three months ago. We met our neighbors. I introduced myself to the teenage son on the day that we moved in. He was outside playing soccer. The conversation was short but, i learned his name. A few weeks later, i met the dad. He came over and introduced himself and offered to help us with anything we might need. "Just knock on the door." I was delighted to find out that we had such a nice neighbor. Still, I feel a hesitation to engage. We're different. Its almost a sense of not wanting to intrude and not being intruded on.

When I think about the neighbor that Jesus talked about, I am intrigued that so many boundaries were crossed. This Samaritan was a half breed, kind of like a muggle and a wizard in Harry Potter terms. He didn't care about heritage, customs, or comfort. This man saw someone in need, and he reached out.

I was mowing the large lawn at the house that we rent. I was given a riding lawn mower shortly before we moved. It hasn't been running. I pushed mowed the entire yard in right under 4 hours. My neighbor came over and questioned me about why i wasn't using my riding lawn mower. I explained that it was broken. I couldn't get it started. He told me that he repairs lawn mowers and in fact, he was working on the guy's mower from across the street. Here, my new neighbor is offering his time, talent, and resources and I haven't followed up.. we've mowed at least three times since he offered.

I see the news headlines. I see the fear going around in our country. I see the discomfort in what is happening with the issues around us. I see the social media posts. I see the loaded questions. I don't know the right answer. I don't have a solution for the bathroom situation. I do hurt for people. God's children. Those who don't see themselves as God's beloved. Those who aren't comfortable in their anatomy. Those who are not comfortable loving people so different. Those who truly believe that God is proud of their fear, their morality, their passive aggressiveness, their social media outbursts. Those who can walk into a department store and shout at the top of their lungs in the most ungodly, unloving way that everyone should repent, that employees can find another job, that their actions honor God and everyone else will burn. Those that are too comfortable in their ways.

Sometimes, i just want to grab a megaphone and scream that Christian protesters and picketers don't speak for me! Yes, I believe in Jesus, yes, I am a Christian. I think he's called us to something better than trying to control everybody else. Scripture tells us not to conform and to be transformed. Not transformed into hate but transformed into love. Those people don't speak for me. Im pretty sure, they're not speaking for God either. God is love! LOVE! LOOOOVVEE!

There's employees working in these stores. Real people. People trying to make a living. Raise kids. Make ends meet. People. Just like the religious extremists do not speak for me, a corporation doesn't speak for each of it's employees. PEOPLE. REAL PEOPLE. There's people behind those counters with feelings, problems, fears, families. They are neighbors. Don't ask questions, just love. That's what the Samaritan did. He didn't have to know who it was, someone needed a neighbor!

It would be great if everyone knew Jesus and didn't act like a bunch of lost sheep. We probably wouldn't have some of the issues we have today. But, we also wouldn't have people acting like they were found when they were really lost. That would take a lot of comfort sacrificing, pride sacrificing, and self evaluation. Sanctification is a process and we are on a journey. We haven't arrived. I want to be getting closer..

Raising and Being Raised

The other night, there was no room for me in my bed. I had just arrived home from church and found Kristen on my side with a clinging 2 year old. Sickness is hard. We don't like to see our kids uncomfortable. Parenting is hard. I went across the hall and climbed into bed beside our four year old and her blankey, stuffed cat, and collection of toilet paper for her runny nose. I listened to the restless sounds through the wall in the nursery of two babies struggling with their stuffiness and congestion. The sounds of discomfort from the 2 year old in our bed dealing with a viral rash that had left her sleepless for the better part of 2 nights. Most of my prayers are silent. I have always enjoyed lying down and just unpacking my mind before i go to sleep. What i'm thankful for, what Im concerned about, my family, my friends. That night, I was silently praying for healing, recovery, and rest for my children. I was wrestling with my bend toward selfishness, I wanted rest, I wanted to get rest in MY bed, my head on MY pillow, and under MY familiar covers, next to MY wife.

Raising kids is funny when you think about it. The term suggests that we have it figured out, that its our turn to turn out quality people into the world. Parenting in a lot of ways is the process of being raised. We learn so much everyday about how to love, about ourselves, about God. Parenting causes us to put others before ourselves. Its not easy and I'm bad at it but, I think I'm being raised to do it.

Last night there was resistance to ointment that would relieve some pain and discomfort, there was resistance to an oatmeal bath, there was resistance to oral medication. It wasn't pretty, and it wasn't easy. When the acceptance came, there were smiles, there was swimming and splashing in the tub, there was rest. Even as parents, we sometimes resist the things we know we should be doing- the things that are good for us, that help us find joy, relief, and rest.

We're raising kids but we're also in the process of being raised ourselves.

A Letter To The Author and Perfecter

Sometimes I just don't understand what you're doing. Well actually, most of the time I don't have any idea what you're doing. This season has been tough. I am irritable, fed up, quick tempered. I know that a lot of that is self inflicted. It's tough to not know. To think you're getting close, and only finding a locked door. So much time and money invested and feeling like I already missed my chance. That can't be true though. Not if you are sovereign. If you are working all things together, there must be some opportunity just around the corner. Rejection is disappointing but, there must be something happening in the process. I must be going through some type of preparation process. I read somewhere today that "feeling inadequate is a prerequisite to being used by God." I probably butchered that but I think JD Greer said it. Anyway, you know who said it and what it was exactly and how it resonated with me and why it resonated with me. You know me. I'm trusting that. You know the perfect place for me. You know the perfect place for these gifts you've given me, this passion inside of me. These strengths, these weaknesses, these fears, and this heart! You know! Help me to trust! Not knowing is hard, staying positive is hard, caring is hard, trusting is hard! You are sufficient! You always have been and you always will be! You will make a way! Here I am!